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Did not do anything of significance this weekend.

Took the baby monster and her friend to go watch Hidden Figures. I really really enjoyed it. The baby monster expressed her liking for it as well, although I'm sure she would have preferred to watch something else.

Then she and her friend proceeded to play MineCraft all night on our PS4.

Today wasn't exciting at all either. Stayed home, didn't go anywhere or do anything.

I did watch Season 4, Episode 3 of BBC Sherlock.

Tumblr is exploding with disappointment and looking down on those who expressed liking the last episode and saying if you enjoyed it you just don't understand the show enough to see all that was wrong with it.

I'm on the fence because on some items, I agree. It wasn't anything like I thought it was supposed to be. On the other, I DID enjoy it, and found a lot to like about it.

eh, to each their own. I do enjoy all the meta and discussion about it though.
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Yes, it is I. I decided to check my journal and discovered that apparently I've got a bajillion old messages/replies?

Its been something like three years, and I don't really know what to talk about other than I am actually still alive and around. I am still working, still taking care of the baby monster (who is 11 now! OMG). Still involved in karate, and have been looking for another job away from the law office for the last year now.

That's the quick and dirty I suppose.

Lets see, last time I was on LJ and posted anything, I was looking for good forever homes for a litter of puppies that my Penny just had. I found homes for all of them, and decided to keep one. He was the baby puppy that followed me around all the time, giving me those adorable puppy eyes. So I kept him. We've now got the three GSDs here, Little, Penny and Blue. Got them all fixed, 'cause being puppy mommy is a whole freakin' lot of work, and trying to be that responsible dog owner and find forever homes for puppies after they reach past 12 weeks ... well most people want puppies at 6 weeks while they're still super adorbs instead of bigger. x.x

Also, I tested (and passed!!) for my first degree black belt in karate. Crushed it!! I am currently third degree, and the baby monster is second degree brown. I'm so proud of her. She works really hard at learning the material. She also enjoys competing in the annual tournament the local University hosts here in town.

Lol, she's in that in between stage where she has interests in child-like things like toys and games, but is also starting to show interest in fashion and makeup and gossiping with her friends.

She's getting so old!! She also wears a bigger shoe size than me now. Haha, that was an adventure. We were at the local Payless looking for shoes she could wear in wet weather, and I didn't like any of the materials the kids shoes and boots were made out of, and she didn't like any of the styles the adult size shoes were. The one pair we found that we would both agree on, they didn't have in her size. So as we were leaving we walked through Khols and decided to check out the shoes there. We managed to find a pair of Chucks in her size and that was on sale. Now she things she's the shit 'cause she's got a pair of name brand shoes. And wow, I knew it was a big deal when I was in school (but never really cared about or could afford to keep up with), and apparently its still a thing to have name brand whatever at school.

As for me a few years ago the paralegal in the office got a new job, so after some drama and a hiring and firing, they offered me the paralegal job. I took it of course 'cause that meant full time employment and full time pay. So I quit the apartment management job, and went full time at the law office. I guess it was great for the first couple of years, but after getting diddly in annual raises or bonus department year after year, and starting to feel unappreciated, and then on top of that having the boss man take me aside to "advise" me that I needed to be more happy/accommodating i.e. perky and fake happy/eager to take on more projects, I'm definitely feeling its time to move on. So I've been putting in and interviewing for other positions the past year. Nothing has come of it yet, but I'm still trying. And still trying to keep my determination and drive and telling myself something is bound to come along. It can get a little disheartening, obviously, but I can't stay at this job for very much longer. I feel as if I'm still being treated as the very new, very inexperienced, part-time extra help, instead of the person who handles running the office, training new staff, and doing all the paralegal work there. So overall not happy. I love what I do, and would definitely stay, but I don't feel appreciated either by they way I'm being treated or the pay.

Besides, I'd like to eventually move out of my mom's house and have a place of my own. I want it so bad, so much, that I can practically feel it almost in my grasp, and I just need that one little break.

mmariep2: (Default)
Missed the first half of Dancing with the Stars this evening because of karate, but...

Wasn't impressed with the music tonight. I miss the band.

Definitely wasn't impressed with Erin tonight, though she did a better job of asking questions than Brooke ever did. There's just something about Erin that didn't blend well with the overall feel of the show.
mmariep2: (Default)
I know its been pretty much forever since I last updated. A lot has happened.

My dog had puppies! Back in November. They're adorable, I've sold one already, but there are still five adorable ones left that need to go to a good forever home. Anyone know of anyone in the California Central Valley who wants to buy a German Shepherd puppy?

Its getting pretty late now. I'll have to remember to post a much longer update with everything that's been going on over the last few months.
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I don't have enough nails to play with all my new nail polish.
mmariep2: (Default)
I don't have enough nails to play with all my new nail polish.

Karate

Sep. 22nd, 2013 12:10 am
mmariep2: (Default)
So, I'm assuming I must not have posted this on LJ, though I did freak out about it on FB, but guess who is testing for her Black Belt in November?

This girl! Oh yeah! :D :D :D

Super excited if course. Got the news about three weeks ago.

There is a paper test with essay that I have to complete, 10 hours of volunteer work in another class (I do this by helping out in the baby monster's karate class), and attending 4 "boot camp" classes.

Squee. Excited.

Karate

Sep. 22nd, 2013 12:10 am
mmariep2: (Default)
So, I'm assuming I must not have posted this on LJ, though I did freak out about it on FB, but guess who is testing for her Black Belt in November?

This girl! Oh yeah! :D :D :D

Super excited if course. Got the news about three weeks ago.

There is a paper test with essay that I have to complete, 10 hours of volunteer work in another class (I do this by helping out in the baby monster's karate class), and attending 4 "boot camp" classes.

Squee. Excited.
mmariep2: (Default)
Interview was three weeks ago. Hadn't heard anything, and was going to email them this Friday if I hadn't heard anything.

Got the email this afternoon. :( They decided to hire someone else.

Definitely feeling disappointed.

Things at work at the law office are going fine though. They decided to let the new paralegal go though. She wasn't working out the way they had hoped, and she was making mistakes she should have caught (because that was part of her job was to catch the mistakes before it left the office).

They've been having interviews today, and a few more tomorrow, before they decide to have someone come in and take over my job. I'll be making the move over the paralegal position (not really excited about having to handle all the pleading paperwork that involves, btw), where I will be doing everything B. was doing before she left two and a half months ago.
mmariep2: (Default)
Interview was three weeks ago. Hadn't heard anything, and was going to email them this Friday if I hadn't heard anything.

Got the email this afternoon. :( They decided to hire someone else.

Definitely feeling disappointed.

Things at work at the law office are going fine though. They decided to let the new paralegal go though. She wasn't working out the way they had hoped, and she was making mistakes she should have caught (because that was part of her job was to catch the mistakes before it left the office).

They've been having interviews today, and a few more tomorrow, before they decide to have someone come in and take over my job. I'll be making the move over the paralegal position (not really excited about having to handle all the pleading paperwork that involves, btw), where I will be doing everything B. was doing before she left two and a half months ago.
mmariep2: (Default)
Told the boss man at the law office that I got asked to interview, he was supportive and appreciated that I told him, and didn't go behind his back. S. at work work also understood that going to this interview was an opportunity that I just couldn't pass up. She didn't seem angry.

So interview on Wednesday... gimme some questions to ask. x.x OMG, I don't want to sound like a moron.
mmariep2: (Default)
Told the boss man at the law office that I got asked to interview, he was supportive and appreciated that I told him, and didn't go behind his back. S. at work work also understood that going to this interview was an opportunity that I just couldn't pass up. She didn't seem angry.

So interview on Wednesday... gimme some questions to ask. x.x OMG, I don't want to sound like a moron.
mmariep2: (Default)


I need some good questions to ask during the interview

mmariep2: (Default)
Going full time at the law office has been an experience. I'm pretty much doing the same stuff, only now I feel I have enough time to get things done.

The new girl is something else. She talks to herself, hums and sings while she's working in the next "cubicle" and talks too much. x.x But she's a generally nice person.

I've enjoyed working full time, and the boss did give me a raise.

I hadn't heard anything back from any of the jobs I applied for so I went ahead and took the full time position. Almost a month later, and guess what happens?

I got an email from the admin position I applied for out at the local University. x.x They want to interview me next week. On the one hand, WHEEEE!!! OMG SO FREAKING EXCITED!!! On the other, I feel so conflicted now, but I can't possibly pass up this opportunity for full time that pays three times what I'm making, plus full benefits for both me and my daughter (instead of just for me, as it is at the law office). I know I'm going to disappoint S. at the law office. I'm not looking forward to telling her about the interview tomorrow.

If I hadn't heard anything from the UC, I think I would have been happy with the added hours and pay raise with the law office for at least a few more months to a year. But now with this possibility on the horizon...
mmariep2: (Default)
Going full time at the law office has been an experience. I'm pretty much doing the same stuff, only now I feel I have enough time to get things done.

The new girl is something else. She talks to herself, hums and sings while she's working in the next "cubicle" and talks too much. x.x But she's a generally nice person.

I've enjoyed working full time, and the boss did give me a raise.

I hadn't heard anything back from any of the jobs I applied for so I went ahead and took the full time position. Almost a month later, and guess what happens?

I got an email from the admin position I applied for out at the local University. x.x They want to interview me next week. On the one hand, WHEEEE!!! OMG SO FREAKING EXCITED!!! On the other, I feel so conflicted now, but I can't possibly pass up this opportunity for full time that pays three times what I'm making, plus full benefits for both me and my daughter (instead of just for me, as it is at the law office). I know I'm going to disappoint S. at the law office. I'm not looking forward to telling her about the interview tomorrow.

If I hadn't heard anything from the UC, I think I would have been happy with the added hours and pay raise with the law office for at least a few more months to a year. But now with this possibility on the horizon...
mmariep2: (Default)
Back in karate class barely three weeks, and already I have to be at the black and brown belt qualifier testing next week. OMG freaking out.
mmariep2: (Default)
Back in karate class barely three weeks, and already I have to be at the black and brown belt qualifier testing next week. OMG freaking out.

Firefly!

Aug. 12th, 2013 12:03 am
mmariep2: (Default)
Finished the last six episodes and the movie for Firefly and Serenity this evening with the baby monster.

She says she'd be willing to rewatch the Firefly episodes, but that she doesn't want to watch the movie. The reavers scare her. :(

But its a win!!! She liked the show. :D Lol, I'm so proud.

Firefly!

Aug. 12th, 2013 12:03 am
mmariep2: (Default)
Finished the last six episodes and the movie for Firefly and Serenity this evening with the baby monster.

She says she'd be willing to rewatch the Firefly episodes, but that she doesn't want to watch the movie. The reavers scare her. :(

But its a win!!! She liked the show. :D Lol, I'm so proud.
mmariep2: (Default)
Introducing my daughter to Firefly.

Have already shown her the original Karate Kid, and the Princess Bride, and The Neverending Story. I think after Firefly and Serenity, I'll work on the X-Men, Legend, Rayearth, Escaflowne, and Sherlock. :D
mmariep2: (Default)
Introducing my daughter to Firefly.

Have already shown her the original Karate Kid, and the Princess Bride, and The Neverending Story. I think after Firefly and Serenity, I'll work on the X-Men, Legend, Rayearth, Escaflowne, and Sherlock. :D

LinkedIn

Jul. 31st, 2013 11:07 pm
mmariep2: (Default)
I have an LinkedIn account.

You ever browse through the "People you May Know" and thought someone's name looked and/or sounded familiar? I do that constantly, but because I'm not sure how I know them, I don't add them.

LinkedIn

Jul. 31st, 2013 11:07 pm
mmariep2: (Default)
I have an LinkedIn account.

You ever browse through the "People you May Know" and thought someone's name looked and/or sounded familiar? I do that constantly, but because I'm not sure how I know them, I don't add them.
mmariep2: (Default)
This weekend marks my last weekend with the apartments as well as having to work on a weekend to begin with. I technically haven't had a full weekend off in six years. I'm looking forward to next weekend.

This also means that I'll start full time at the law office on Monday.

Haven't heard anything from any of the jobs I've applied for either. How disappointing. I just have to keep reminding myself its their loss, I'm awesome.

Also, I'm a bit excited because I think with the increase in hours and the extra money that brings in, I might possibly be able to afford to go back to karate. That's exciting.
mmariep2: (Default)
This weekend marks my last weekend with the apartments as well as having to work on a weekend to begin with. I technically haven't had a full weekend off in six years. I'm looking forward to next weekend.

This also means that I'll start full time at the law office on Monday.

Haven't heard anything from any of the jobs I've applied for either. How disappointing. I just have to keep reminding myself its their loss, I'm awesome.

Also, I'm a bit excited because I think with the increase in hours and the extra money that brings in, I might possibly be able to afford to go back to karate. That's exciting.
mmariep2: (Default)
So L. has been with the office almost three weeks now. She started at the beginning of the month. B. had three days to train her on the more important stuff, and she's been on her own for the last two. My impression is that she's floundering a bit, and that there was just so much that she's expected to take care of that she's getting buried. I want to give her the benefit of the doubt. She's got law experience, admittedly its family law and not civil litigation, but she's familiar enough with it and gave the impression in her interview that she was single handedly running and single attorney office for a year and a half. Now, though, she seems to be struggling.

And I feel for her. I struggled the first year I was there too. I had no law experience and everything was new to me. I wasn't even sure I wanted to stay or that I even liked the job to begin with. But it was a job, and at the time, I needed it.

I've still been looking for another job of course, and as I posted earlier, got my first rejection letter. I'm not letting it get me down, I'm still holding out hope that there's a job out there for me that'll pay more because I know I can definitely do the job.

The boss brought to my attention that he's not so hot with L.'s performance so far, but he's still holding out judgment in the hopes that she's just adjusting and she'll catch on. He asked me what it was I was looking for in another job, and I pointed out that I was looking for more pay (enough to move out and get my own place), full time and benefits. He has brought up the possibility that I come on full time because lately I've shown a bit of take charge. And to some extent I have. When B. was in the office she wanted to be in charge and run things, and for the most part I stood back and let her. I'm the type of personality that if someone else wants to be in charge, I'll let them. If it seems no one wants to or can't, its only then that I step up. And that seems to my boss exactly what I've been doing. So, he's brought up the possibility of my coming on full time. And that seems tempting. But I'm definitely conflicted on whether I should or not. On the one hand, I know the office can't afford the kind of pay I would be getting should I get one of the positions I've been applying for out at the UC that's located here in town. On the other, I haven't exactly gotten any calls for an interview either. There aren't a whole lot of jobs available here in town. Last night I was even tentatively looking at jobs out of town where moving would have been required in order for me to work, but I hadn't applied to any of them yet. I was just browsing to see what was available.

Should I take him up on his offer? Hold out for another job? Ask for a raise?

Opinions?
mmariep2: (Default)
So L. has been with the office almost three weeks now. She started at the beginning of the month. B. had three days to train her on the more important stuff, and she's been on her own for the last two. My impression is that she's floundering a bit, and that there was just so much that she's expected to take care of that she's getting buried. I want to give her the benefit of the doubt. She's got law experience, admittedly its family law and not civil litigation, but she's familiar enough with it and gave the impression in her interview that she was single handedly running and single attorney office for a year and a half. Now, though, she seems to be struggling.

And I feel for her. I struggled the first year I was there too. I had no law experience and everything was new to me. I wasn't even sure I wanted to stay or that I even liked the job to begin with. But it was a job, and at the time, I needed it.

I've still been looking for another job of course, and as I posted earlier, got my first rejection letter. I'm not letting it get me down, I'm still holding out hope that there's a job out there for me that'll pay more because I know I can definitely do the job.

The boss brought to my attention that he's not so hot with L.'s performance so far, but he's still holding out judgment in the hopes that she's just adjusting and she'll catch on. He asked me what it was I was looking for in another job, and I pointed out that I was looking for more pay (enough to move out and get my own place), full time and benefits. He has brought up the possibility that I come on full time because lately I've shown a bit of take charge. And to some extent I have. When B. was in the office she wanted to be in charge and run things, and for the most part I stood back and let her. I'm the type of personality that if someone else wants to be in charge, I'll let them. If it seems no one wants to or can't, its only then that I step up. And that seems to my boss exactly what I've been doing. So, he's brought up the possibility of my coming on full time. And that seems tempting. But I'm definitely conflicted on whether I should or not. On the one hand, I know the office can't afford the kind of pay I would be getting should I get one of the positions I've been applying for out at the UC that's located here in town. On the other, I haven't exactly gotten any calls for an interview either. There aren't a whole lot of jobs available here in town. Last night I was even tentatively looking at jobs out of town where moving would have been required in order for me to work, but I hadn't applied to any of them yet. I was just browsing to see what was available.

Should I take him up on his offer? Hold out for another job? Ask for a raise?

Opinions?
mmariep2: (Default)
Got my first rejection/thanks but no thanks letter from one of the positions I applied for last week. Oh well. Disappointing of course, but it won't stop me.
mmariep2: (Default)
Got my first rejection/thanks but no thanks letter from one of the positions I applied for last week. Oh well. Disappointing of course, but it won't stop me.
mmariep2: (Default)
Its been a while since I've logged onto the home page of Livejournal. I usually just click my bookmark which takes me straight to my flist instead. Things are a bit different. Also, apparently I've had some invisible guests visit my LJ. How interesting.

Also, I'm on tumblr now. Who's got one I can stalk?
mmariep2: (Default)
Its been a while since I've logged onto the home page of Livejournal. I usually just click my bookmark which takes me straight to my flist instead. Things are a bit different. Also, apparently I've had some invisible guests visit my LJ. How interesting.

Also, I'm on tumblr now. Who's got one I can stalk?
mmariep2: (Default)
I feel like complaining about how job searching is difficult, and how it can drag you down and make you doubt yourself and all that, but then I remember that for the first ten years of my employment career, it was incredibly easy for me to land jobs, or change fields, or go back to a job I had quit previously. And then I think of all the other people having difficulty, and realize I'm no more worse or better than them, and I'm just getting my fair share of job search difficulty.

But come on really!? I'm amazing, experienced, professional and competent. Call me back already.

Also, I need a good template for writing a letter of recommendation. Lol, ex co-worker said he'd write one up for me, as long as I drafted it up for him.
mmariep2: (Default)
I feel like complaining about how job searching is difficult, and how it can drag you down and make you doubt yourself and all that, but then I remember that for the first ten years of my employment career, it was incredibly easy for me to land jobs, or change fields, or go back to a job I had quit previously. And then I think of all the other people having difficulty, and realize I'm no more worse or better than them, and I'm just getting my fair share of job search difficulty.

But come on really!? I'm amazing, experienced, professional and competent. Call me back already.

Also, I need a good template for writing a letter of recommendation. Lol, ex co-worker said he'd write one up for me, as long as I drafted it up for him.
mmariep2: (Default)
Saw Pacific Rim yesterday. It totally rocked. Mild End of Movie Spoiler )
mmariep2: (Default)
Saw Pacific Rim yesterday. It totally rocked. Mild End of Movie Spoiler )
mmariep2: (Default)
Co-worker S. told me the boss was appreciative that I had told him in advance that I had started looking for a job and was applying places. She also reminded me that should I get a job before December, I will miss the office Christmas party (which I have come to enjoy), as well as my end of the year bonus. OMG. I know I will miss that. I has increased incrementally every year.

The job search is going slowly. I've found some promising posts, and have applied. There are a few with the city Board of Education in the admin field which require either introductory letters, or letters of recommendation/reference. x.x I had having to ask for those. Its almost as awkward as asking to list someone as a reference to begin with.

Lol, anyone want to write a letter for me? You've all known me for 10 years now. ;) I need at least three for a few of the positions I want to apply for with the board of education.

My day care provider is on a two week vacation (started Monday), and so sister has taken the baby monster up north to stay with her at uncle and aunt's house for the next two weeks. We skype every night. Of course I miss her. The house is just too empty without her here. She wants to come home, but she seems to do fine during the day and is having lots of fun. I've told her that I found sitters for her and that they're teens, she seems fine with that. She asked by Grandmom wasn't going to watch her anymore, I couldn't tell her the truth, the best I could do was shrug and say, "just because".

When she gets back, I have managed to find a couple of teen girls willing to babysit her every weekend while I'm at work. It will cost me of course, but at this point I'm willing to pay for it rather than depend on my mom and have her throw that in my face yet again.

We still aren't speaking by the way. That seems to be the M.O. for us. We get in a fight, and then we don't speak for days or weeks. It can go on indefinitely. Any of our problems are never discussed, worked out or through or any kind of understanding is never came to. I think its this and watching my parents go through the same type of fighting and never working things out that has influenced my same reaction to her. Make sense? Its past midnight as I'm typing this wondering if my rambling is making sense. We don't work things out. Its glossed over or forgotten, never mentioned and ignored, and then we all happily pretend it never happened.

I'm vaguely worried that this type of avoidance, even though I'm aware of the problem, will somehow effect any future relationships I might have. Which by the way, even after almost 8 years of being single, I'm still happily so. Not even any sort of temporary relationship anywhere in between that time and now. You guys were all there when I broke things off with the ex. The insecurities I had about trying to stay with him and fix things, and then eventually just ending it and moving out the city and back home (medical issues aside).

I'm quite enjoying being single and just taking care of myself and the baby monster.
mmariep2: (Default)
Co-worker S. told me the boss was appreciative that I had told him in advance that I had started looking for a job and was applying places. She also reminded me that should I get a job before December, I will miss the office Christmas party (which I have come to enjoy), as well as my end of the year bonus. OMG. I know I will miss that. I has increased incrementally every year.

The job search is going slowly. I've found some promising posts, and have applied. There are a few with the city Board of Education in the admin field which require either introductory letters, or letters of recommendation/reference. x.x I had having to ask for those. Its almost as awkward as asking to list someone as a reference to begin with.

Lol, anyone want to write a letter for me? You've all known me for 10 years now. ;) I need at least three for a few of the positions I want to apply for with the board of education.

My day care provider is on a two week vacation (started Monday), and so sister has taken the baby monster up north to stay with her at uncle and aunt's house for the next two weeks. We skype every night. Of course I miss her. The house is just too empty without her here. She wants to come home, but she seems to do fine during the day and is having lots of fun. I've told her that I found sitters for her and that they're teens, she seems fine with that. She asked by Grandmom wasn't going to watch her anymore, I couldn't tell her the truth, the best I could do was shrug and say, "just because".

When she gets back, I have managed to find a couple of teen girls willing to babysit her every weekend while I'm at work. It will cost me of course, but at this point I'm willing to pay for it rather than depend on my mom and have her throw that in my face yet again.

We still aren't speaking by the way. That seems to be the M.O. for us. We get in a fight, and then we don't speak for days or weeks. It can go on indefinitely. Any of our problems are never discussed, worked out or through or any kind of understanding is never came to. I think its this and watching my parents go through the same type of fighting and never working things out that has influenced my same reaction to her. Make sense? Its past midnight as I'm typing this wondering if my rambling is making sense. We don't work things out. Its glossed over or forgotten, never mentioned and ignored, and then we all happily pretend it never happened.

I'm vaguely worried that this type of avoidance, even though I'm aware of the problem, will somehow effect any future relationships I might have. Which by the way, even after almost 8 years of being single, I'm still happily so. Not even any sort of temporary relationship anywhere in between that time and now. You guys were all there when I broke things off with the ex. The insecurities I had about trying to stay with him and fix things, and then eventually just ending it and moving out the city and back home (medical issues aside).

I'm quite enjoying being single and just taking care of myself and the baby monster.
mmariep2: (Default)
Got into a pretty bad fight with my mother this evening.

Went to work this morning and mom calls me complaining that she and the sister can't figure out how to close the garage door after they opened it. The garage door I've repeatedly told her not to open because the cat likes to run out and then hide under cars because she doesn't want to go back in.

I text my sister to let her know how to close the garage door. I figure after that everything is taken care of and I don't have to worry about anything. Besides I'm stuck at work and can't leave. I didn't even have a lunch because I had people in and out of the office all day. I was showing apartments and doing paperwork all day.

I get home from work, and no one mentions anything, so I figure everything is fine. The garage door is close, the dogs are in the house. Things seem fine. Its not until two hours later that mom happens to mention that she hasn't seen the cat.

So now I'm freaking out that the cat is outside somewhere, or dead hit by a car or whatever. I go out looking in the garage for her, and in the yard and the next door neighbor's yard. Nothing. I figure she must have run away, and the baby monster is all upset that her birthday kitty is gone.

So by now I'm completely angry at my mom, and it all escalates to where she's yelling at me and I'm yelling at her, and she's throwing crap and getting in my face.

Because I don't care about anything, I don't care about the animals, I don't take of them, I don't take care of my daughter, I'm not raising her right, she (my mom) always gives the animals a bath every week, and buys them snacks, and I don't. Because I don't do anything around the house except sit around on my ass on the compute.

My mom and I have never had a good relationship before. Never. Not for as long as I can remember. She's always been ready to believe the worst about me (and this goes back to when I was a teen and she got angry at me when her "friend" who has proven time and again her depression effects most things in her life, decided to lie about me and my mom believe her friend over me), always found fault with most things that I've done in my life (everything from the jobs I have, to the way I raise my daughter to the way I live my life and how I had a daughter out of wedlock) and never seems to be happy about anything in her life. Definitely some deep seated resentment there on my part, I know. We get on each other's nerves to say things nicely.

I've never been violent with my mother, but something about today and the way she treats me and the stuff she says about me, and just things in general, I pushed her to get her away from me and out of my face.

After that there was more yelling and accusing on both sides.

I don't really feel that she appreciates any of the contribution that I make to the house. I don't feel that she acknowledges that I pay for bills around the house. I feel she just constantly goes on about how she has to pay the mortgage on the house. When I try to explain that dad (who doesn't even live in the house currently) and I pay for all the other bills like cable, cell phone, electricity and water, sewage, and garbage, pest control and yard, its like she doesn't even realize those are bills need to be paid. All she knows is that she's paying for her bills, and taking care of her stuff, and paying the mortgage, and that's it.

I just really feel that its definitely time to get a better paying job, get my own place and just completely forget about her and her problems. I don't even feel like helping her out for anything anymore.

I need to get out of this house and away from her.

First step is to start applying to more jobs, even if that means making things tense around the law office after everything that happend the the last few weeks after B left the office the way she did.
mmariep2: (Default)
Got into a pretty bad fight with my mother this evening.

Went to work this morning and mom calls me complaining that she and the sister can't figure out how to close the garage door after they opened it. The garage door I've repeatedly told her not to open because the cat likes to run out and then hide under cars because she doesn't want to go back in.

I text my sister to let her know how to close the garage door. I figure after that everything is taken care of and I don't have to worry about anything. Besides I'm stuck at work and can't leave. I didn't even have a lunch because I had people in and out of the office all day. I was showing apartments and doing paperwork all day.

I get home from work, and no one mentions anything, so I figure everything is fine. The garage door is close, the dogs are in the house. Things seem fine. Its not until two hours later that mom happens to mention that she hasn't seen the cat.

So now I'm freaking out that the cat is outside somewhere, or dead hit by a car or whatever. I go out looking in the garage for her, and in the yard and the next door neighbor's yard. Nothing. I figure she must have run away, and the baby monster is all upset that her birthday kitty is gone.

So by now I'm completely angry at my mom, and it all escalates to where she's yelling at me and I'm yelling at her, and she's throwing crap and getting in my face.

Because I don't care about anything, I don't care about the animals, I don't take of them, I don't take care of my daughter, I'm not raising her right, she (my mom) always gives the animals a bath every week, and buys them snacks, and I don't. Because I don't do anything around the house except sit around on my ass on the compute.

My mom and I have never had a good relationship before. Never. Not for as long as I can remember. She's always been ready to believe the worst about me (and this goes back to when I was a teen and she got angry at me when her "friend" who has proven time and again her depression effects most things in her life, decided to lie about me and my mom believe her friend over me), always found fault with most things that I've done in my life (everything from the jobs I have, to the way I raise my daughter to the way I live my life and how I had a daughter out of wedlock) and never seems to be happy about anything in her life. Definitely some deep seated resentment there on my part, I know. We get on each other's nerves to say things nicely.

I've never been violent with my mother, but something about today and the way she treats me and the stuff she says about me, and just things in general, I pushed her to get her away from me and out of my face.

After that there was more yelling and accusing on both sides.

I don't really feel that she appreciates any of the contribution that I make to the house. I don't feel that she acknowledges that I pay for bills around the house. I feel she just constantly goes on about how she has to pay the mortgage on the house. When I try to explain that dad (who doesn't even live in the house currently) and I pay for all the other bills like cable, cell phone, electricity and water, sewage, and garbage, pest control and yard, its like she doesn't even realize those are bills need to be paid. All she knows is that she's paying for her bills, and taking care of her stuff, and paying the mortgage, and that's it.

I just really feel that its definitely time to get a better paying job, get my own place and just completely forget about her and her problems. I don't even feel like helping her out for anything anymore.

I need to get out of this house and away from her.

First step is to start applying to more jobs, even if that means making things tense around the law office after everything that happend the the last few weeks after B left the office the way she did.
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